Pecking Order

Been thinking a little bit about the place that we “fit” in society. Seems there are many times that I have to just look at what is happening around me and just shake my head.  I see others getting credit for things really not credit worthy; and still others looking for attention for some of the most mundane things.  Amazing.

Through it all I sometimes find it hard to keep my own mouth shut when I see self-promotion that is coupled with inaccurate telling of the details.  Oh well…

From this morning on, however, I have placed my mind on how we can relate to others and slowly and surely impact our world.

All of us have those who we look up to.  We want their approval.  Part of our lives are spent working to obtain the approval of those “over us.”  These relationships are important, but they must not become the definition of our worth.

All of us have many more who look up to us.  It really doesn’t matter who you are, you have them.  This creates a great opportunity.  We know how it would feel to be noticed by the one we are seeking the attention of.  With this knowledge, we can get motivated to give that same great feeling to those who are looking for our approval.  In short, we all have the opportunity to engage those who are seeking our attention.

Let’s not miss that moment.

11 o’clock on a Sunday night…

Sitting here reflecting on the day I wonder why I am swayed so by circumstances & the dynamics of others. Perhaps, as stated in my previous post… it is because others matter.  However, all too often they matter sooooo much that they give direction rather than the word inside of me.

We had a good morning at Gateway.  The band blew the roof off the dump and then we moved into a responsive reading based on Psalm 136.  (For the “liturgical” ones out there this might not seem revolutionary; but it is a little out of the norm for those on my corner of the church world.)  I think we will do more of that.  Prayer followed with a continuation of music.  Before my message, Holly shared from her heart some things that God was speaking to her about the new year and how it could affect our lives if we are willing to listen and obey.  She is always spot on!  We then unpacked Genesis 1 to discover the purpose of multiplying our influence on the earth.  Band practice for a half hour or so followed and then a great meal with friends at Casa Mexicana.  Good times!

In the process of wanting people to get involved in the mission and purpose that God has directed in their lives, I cannot get overwhelmed and disgusted with them if they don’t. I have to learn to give what I have… then lay it down.  I can’t change them, I can only offer the opportunity to change.  This is hard for me.

A new year, a new way of thinking to go with the approach that is asked of me…

Who Needs You, Anyway?

If you didn’t show up, who would miss you?

I know that we can all take our moments to answer that with the standard, “Probably no one,” and then justify not showing up the next time.  The reality is, however, that you have no idea who will miss you because you are not there.

You have a vital role to play, and quite frankly, others need you. Everyone one of us has failed to receive the phone call and mistakenly lived under the impression that we are not wanted or needed.  If we are not careful, we can live in that perception and decide to remove ourselves from all places because “‘THEY’ won’t miss us anyway…”  Here’s the deal, though.. you matter.

Others respond differently because you are there.  Other’s gain confidence and strength from you because you carry unique gifts and callings that only you possess.  You complete the puzzle… for that moment… for that time.  Without you something is truly “missing” even if no one calls to say that you were missed.  You make a difference.

There is a movie coming out soon about a young high school student who doesn’t talk to a kid in class and the ignored one winds up taking his own life.  The student who didn’t take the time before the incident then works to change the way he responds to the “missed ones” all around him.  The tag line spoke of what you would do to save a life.

As I think of this in the dawn of a new year and, hopefully, new beginnings, I think of what I can do to save a life. Whatever my intentions are for this year, those intentions will only become realities if I show up.  I must show up at all times because others need me.  I must show up even when I don’t feel appreciated.  I must show up again after an unavoidable “miss” even when I don’t get the phone call to say “I missed you.”  I must show up to make a difference.  I can believe, dream, plan and pray; but if I don’t show up none of that matters.

We must show up.

The Flow

Over the past couple of days I have been working through issues of life.

Honestly, I have had some of the most hectic few weeks I have ever had lately.  I am realizing some things about myself, as well as working through plans for the future.  I have a future for my family, my church, and myself.  I want to walk in it all.

In short, I am looking for my flow. I can’t explain what that means, but it’s clear to me.  It really has nothing to do with anyone else or any item on my schedule… just me.  It’s an internal thing, but it is necessary to step in to in order for the all of the external to work properly.

It’s late, and it has been months since I last wrote.  My flow will be found.

I don’t understand your marriage.

I’m fascinated by marriages.

I love and adore my wife, and quite frankly I enjoy being around her.  If she comes in the room, she gets my attention.  She’s great.

When I have to go somewhere, I make sure Holly knows where I am going.  I used to watch The Cosby Show, and they seemed to have a great marriage.  However, whenever Cliff would have to go to the hardware store or something and Claire would be upstairs or in the other room there would never be one of those “Hey baby, running to the store” things.  He would just go out the door.  This always bothered me.  And the fact she never questioned it bothered me too.  Maybe it was a common understanding that all would be home at like 6:15 or something and just every other time throughout the day was up for grabs or something, I don’t know.  It just all seemed a little inconsiderate to me.

When I come back home from anywhere, I try to find Holly in the house.  I also have seen on TV those guys that come home from selling shoes or something and plop down on the sofa or recliner.  At some point the 12-yr-old comes in the door (having been completely unsupervised all day) and says, “Hey dad, Cindy at the mall did something-or-other” and dad grunts.  Mom comes down and says, “Hey, the O’Brien’s are coming at 7… change your shirt.”  It’s like if she never came down the stairs she would think she was all alone until Jack & Erin O’Brien came ringing the bell.  It all seemed a little unorganized to me.

“Home” is the number that will always be answered if my phone is near no matter who I am with.  I have been with Pastors, Mayors & Police Detectives and have answered Holly’s call.  It’s a given, she knows where I am and I make myself known to her.  Anything else seems odd to me.

The more I am around other marriages I begin to feel as if mine is not the norm.  Not to cast disparaging “whatevers” toward others, but I don’t understand when your husband or wife is treated as if they were just another person.  If in a crowded room with me, there is a chance that I might not get around to talking with you.  If my wife is in the room, I will make my way to her.

There is always an “I love you, baby” or a “Gotta run to (here) but I will be back as soon as I can” or  a “Are you set and is there anything I need to know/pick up/do?”

I’m not sure I see that with other couples.

I thought about this in prayer tonight.  God desperately wants us to want Him, and want to be withHim, and want to know what is going on in His life… and He in yours.  He’s in the other room and wants you to come look for Him.  He standing there in a crowded room and wants you to make the effort to come to Him.  When you want to go somewhere He wants you to check with Him to see if it’s OK or if He wants you do do something for Him.

It’s not control, it’s courtesy.

Just a thought…

In my boys’ room looking at a hotwheels car

Earlier today (Monday) I was spending my day off cleaning up my boys room.  It’s the room where #2 & #3 share space, and the place was a wreck.

(Note to Self… go over to all the homes represented by the people over at my house for a baby shower on Sunday and trash one of their kid’s rooms.  Oh yeah, also take some toys outside for no reason.)

I’m not bitter.

I pick up a HotWheels car and notice that it was actually one that I had had as a boy.  I turned it over and noticed the date… 1974.  Ok… it was the actual car from my youth.  I sat down and just stared at it for a bit.  To be honest, I rolled it on my leg and watched the wheels turn.

It’s awesome.  It is blue with a stripe down the center (full length) with a ’70’s kind of design in the stripe.  The back two wheels are a little bigger than the front ones.  It was always one of the “good guy” cars when the cars would be brought out of the plastic case.  It was my favorite car.

My mind went back to time spent in my room in the floor next to my closet doors.  My FisherPrice men and vehicles were kept there as well as the cars.  I loved those moments… dreaming and playing and just “being.”

I wondered in those moments today if my boys are making memories.  Are they taking time to play and be and imagine?  Am I giving them time, even guarding their time so that they can have time, to make memories?

For that matter… am I taking time to make memories?  Can I still play and imagine?  Is that a waste of time, or is that what time is all about?

Wow, I’m going now to check out the hotwheels website.

Beautiful Picture of a Mother’s Love

Holly and I are very blessed to have a house that has immediate access to a walking trail.  A lot of our early evenings now involve a short 2 1/2 mile trek around the development, looking at the numerous deer (16 or so last night) and listening to the birds.  It’s a great few moments we can have together.

Last evening, we ran upon a woodchuck sort of creature (I was too busy wondering if it could chuck wood to get a great look at it), and then came to a place where the trail crosses a road.

A small bird ran out from the grass that was next to us and begin to make lots of noises.  We watched her as she looked back at us and then begin to struggle as if she was hurt.  We stopped in our tracks to look at her.  When we didn’t move, she began to fall over, revealing under her feathers to the non-camouflaged area of her body.

She wanted to make sure we saw her.

We stood there for a moment taking it all in.

We had apparently walked up to a place close to her nest.  This mother bird ran from her nest not from fear of us, but for the protection of her babies.  She was distracting us, pretending to be hurt so that we would follow her and leave her nest alone.

Holly and I both said, “How beautiful.”  “It’s OK mommy, we’re moving on.  Your babies are safe.”

We walked slowly and softly away from the nest and the mommy bird got up from her “injury” and ran away.

Wow, a mom willing to sacrifice for her nest.

If I don’t believe… then it doesn’t mean I believe…

Discussions this morning and a thought last night brought an ongoing dilemma back up.  It’s an ongoing discussion; but not one that I have constantly with another person.  It’s a discussion that takes place in my mind.

Oh, the wisdom that pours out of me when driving down the road or in the shower.

There is a tendency in religion to follow the pendulum shift.  All too often our idea of who God is and what He can or cannot do is based not on deep theological discussion or intimate prayer; but it is determined as a response to another way of thinking or belief or action.  One takes a scripture or inspiration from God and begins to build a ministry upon that one thought.  They take it to the extreme; and another then looks at the extreme and determines that it is wrong and then seeks to counteract that belief by taking their beliefs to the opposite extreme.  It is a pendulum shift.  It is honestly how most of our idea of who God is and how we believe came about… as a response to a perceived error.

This has not been entirely horrible, however, because some of our ideas of God and following God have been really, really bad from a Biblical point of view.  These ideas (heresies) needed to be corrected.  In time, the corrections were corrected and we come to where we are today.

However, since we have determined our theology from extremes it is all too convenient to see everything in the context of extremes.  If I let the record show that I don’t believe a certain way, then all those who believe that certain way have a tendency to think (and even place a label on me) that I believe in whatever the extreme opposite end of that belief is.  Examples of this are: Once Saved always Saved vs. Backsliding; Emergent vs. Evangelical; Liberal vs. Conservative; Pentecostal vs. Ecumenical; Republican vs. Democrat; Social Justice vs. Anyone who Wants to Make Little Kids Drink Radioactive Water and Polar Bears Die.

Now, I understand that some could argue with my labels.  You could have a valid arguement that I could have used a better term or phrase.  To those I say, get over yourself.  We’re too hung up on titles as well, but that is the subject of another post (or an underlying secret theme of this one at the least).

There’s the rub.  We don’t take time to listen to one another.  We spend our time thinking of our argument while the other one is speaking.  This creates a tension that serves to divide rather than facilitate the conquering of Jesus Christ over sin in the lives of those we are trying to reach.  It also means that we don’t hear the heart of the other person when we are only listening to his/her words and filtering them through our preconceived ideas.

1)The fact is that there are somethings that are true.  They are very true, they will always be true, and if you don’t believe them then you are wrong.  These things are few.  2) There are other things that are not always true, or have partial truth… but only in the context of the whole and not the specific.  The other side of the coin must be seen and applied with these things or there will be dangerous (although unintended) consequences.  3) There are things that are not true.  They will never be true, and if you believe them you are wrong.  If I don’t believe that they are true, though, it doesn’t automatically mean that I believe the total polar opposite (extreme) is true.

Here’s what I have learned:

• There are some things I will not say or give my opinion on.  (This is hard for me, because I am opinionated… just ask my wife.)  However, my opinions will not serve to facilitate the greater good in some situations.  The person might not be ready to hear them.  The person might not need to hear any opinion, but just be listened to.  There are times when silence is agreement; but there are more times when silence is just polite.
• There are some times when my opinions will be given partially with dialogue.  This is when I see your point, but wonder out loud if you have thought about “this…”  These times are healthy, as long as we listen and refuse to label into that opposite extreme.  It’s a delicate balancing act, and it’s hard not to come off defensive during these times.  It is also important that I am not trying to be “devil’s advocate.”  For one, he doesn’t really need an advocate; and for two, this can become enjoyable.  You may call it being the voice of reason, but some advice… no one wants to continually be around that person who always says, “But what about…”
• There are some opinions I have that I don’t care what you think.  Sorry, but I don’t.  First, if I don’t ask… I don’t care.  Second, if I tell you I don’t care… believe me.  Understand, these times should be VERY few that other’s opinions don’t matter; but perhaps they will be there.  These are usually not on important issues, but preferences.  I’m working on a PC.  I don’t care that you have a Mac or that you think it’s better.  I have a Blackberry not an iPhone.  I like jeans in the winter and shorts in the summer… meaning you’re not going to see me in a suit a lot.  I can’t listen to Bill Gaither much.  I am probably going to not answer the phone if my son is up to bat at his baseball game.  I love you, but…
• There are some times when my opinions don’t matter.  “What do you think, Pastor?”  Well, if I don’t know I’m not afraid to say it.  In fact, this becomes very frustrating to all those who have to have everything written down.  There are times I don’t know (and quite frankly times I don’t care) and I will tell you.  However, in these times that I don’t know I lead them to the One who does.  God knows all, and quite frankly my opinion on issues in your life that you need a pastor about really don’t matter at all.  The Word of God is our source.  I may not like what it says and I may try to find the loophole; but in the end His Word is the only thing truly True.

Bottom line is this: don’t hear one thing and assume another.  (Seems like someone once told me what happens when you assume, but I’m too Holy to remember it)  I have some books that I read because I want to think more or because someone I am trying to make a connection with gave them to me, not because I subscribe to all that writer says or does.  I may come from a tradition or race or culture that is different from yours but don’t turn me off.  Dialogue with me… listen to me… and I will listen to you.

What can we agree on?  That is my focus.

I’ll let God change the things He wants to in you… and in me.

Out of Touch & Willing to Tweet It All

I am Bob 2.0

Once again, I’m not really sure that means what I think it does, but…

Currently, I have a blog (your reading it now), a facebook profile, and I am on twitter.  Quite honestly I feel a little silly about it all; but in a strange way I feel quite a bit more connected to my world than I once was.  Actually, I feel as if my world is expanding (and getting smaller all at the same time).  I am learning not to be so private.

I text.  I’m a texter.  I once thought it was the stupidest thing I had ever witnessed; but now I see it as extremely beneficial.  As a caveat, I will say that I would probably NOT do it without a blackberry with a QWERTY keyboard.

Oh yeah, I carry a blackberry.

However, I have come to understand some things about it all.

• It is possible to be on-line connected with the world and miss the world in front of your face.
• It is easy to be so connected that it is impossible to get away.
• It is extremely more likely to say something stupid very quickly.

For the first one, I refuse to miss my moments.  There are those who go to the beach and read a book.  Me, I want to enjoy the beach.

For the second one, I sometimes don’t pick up the phone.  I don’t want to shock my world, but there are times when I don’t want to be bothered.  There are 4 people that I am always available for; for all others there are times when you might have to wait.  As I said earlier, I am becoming less private; but there are probably a lot of things that others will never know.

For the third one, I try to think before I post.  One of the issues of Twitter is that it is instant.  My realization is that my immediate thoughts are not always the best ones to be heard.  First impressions of a situation are not always correct, and there are times when things are better left unsaid (or untwittered).

I have found that most are quick on the draw when it comes to sharing their thoughts.  Honestly, I love it and hate it all at once.  I hate it when the twitter is all about coffee.  Actually, one txt a day to let me know they are enjoying a moment or something is fine; but the rundown of 15 tweets in a row with random sip analysis is a bit much.  I love it when the txt is an update on the family or an urgent request.  This helps me as a pastor to be in touch with those around me.  Keep it up!

I’m walking the line.  I want to be transparent and let others in on my day without being that guy who just simply forwards lots of pictures of mullets.  I want what I say and send to matter, but I also realize that others care a little bit more about the mundane of the day.  I know that they do because I DO find myself caring about the “mundane” of others that I care about.

I’ll txt.  I’ll think about it first.  It will matter (at times) and it will let you in.

Where did all of the time go?

I am in the office now, working on an old laptop.

It’s bringing back memories for me: the sticky keys; the loud fan that half works after the last “drop”; and the processor that seemed so fast at the time but now…

There is a question that is burning in my mind now.  When my burden is to draw closer and closer to God; when my mission and purpose is to study and pray and seek His direction for myself and my ministry; and when my desire is to fulfill all of the days directives why do I constantly find the time slipping away quicker and quicker?

There are times when the issue is my own procrastination for sure.  However, the majority of the issues are when there is a pulling in other directions from forces beyond my control.  The machine of the ministry gets in the way of the ministry.

I hate that.

So, I constantly look to put the important things first, and put the urgent things on a list.  I will constantly look for the ministry opportunities and focus on them.  I will also attempt to view every opportunity as a ministry opportunity because there is a potential for God to work in all things.

First the people… then the process.

I think that will make the best use of redeeming the time.